you can't win

There are things that you really want in life; sometimes you might even need those things. Nothing is just handed to you; you either gotta earn it or work hard for it.I know there were things I wanted SOO bad but had to work for. Mainly because I knew that in the end I could look back and think “it was all worth it”.I was reminded that all the progress I will ever make will never be enough. It’s like how a drug addict who has gone clean will always be a drug addict because they have to constantly think about NOT going back. That’s where I’m at. But it’s slightly differently. I have to constantly remember not to fall behind or else I’ll get lost. However, my “counterpart” doesn’t have anything to do. HE gets to live life as he pleases, as if nothing ever happened; I’m the one who has to pay the price and suffer. Ya know what? I just can’t do it anymore. Maybe it hasn’t really been a long time, but it’s been long enough. Definitely long enough for SO MUCH SHIT to happen that just makes everything worse. I’ve tried so hard…..so f u c k i n g hard. But it is never going to be enough, I see that now, I really do. So I quit. I fucking quit. I’m done. I can’t do this is anymore. This is my farewell message because I see now that I can’t win. I can only escape for so long but I will always come back this torment and misery. Fuck it.