[Final Track] Last Words

it's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right, I hope you had the time of your life

Track 11 - Drive Slow Homie

driving is retarded

today i was with my sister and then she literally out of nowhere said 'she can't drive' and she was talking about me then her friend said 'SHE CAN'T DRIVE!?!' like i have some kind of disease or something i just simply replied 'i can drive' then they just ignored me

wtf. what the fuck
when you are my age [18] and don't have a license you automatically become the cripple of your social circle. people treat you differently, they have different conversations, they tell different jokes and all these things end with 'oh you wouldn't get it'
i remember once someone asked does anyone know how to get to such and such place and i said i do and was beginning to tell then they cut me off and said oh wait you don't drive you don't know how to get there and began to ask a driver. the driver didn't even know and so they decided that no one knew. that was wrong soooo wrong oh and bee.tea.dub.

driving doesn't make you cool, it's makes you a tool.

ok? i have many many many friends who's 'friends' only hang out with them just for the car. that is soooo shady. and if there was any driving disease it would be in the drivers because they are the ones who don't even fucking notice that they are being used.

my mom told me that she was proud of me that i was learning how to drive because it's the best thing a young person can do and it's allows you to be independent

bullfuckingshit

when i didn't drive i
-had a job [paid for my SISTER'S gas so SHE could driiiive]

-enrolled in college BY MYSELF

-completed senior year with no assistance

-finished my first year of college with OUTSTANDING academic achievement

-went on my own [w/ friends too] to actually get my permit

that last one i had to do because my parents would say that i needed to learn to drive but would never that the time out for the effort

but now it's 'too late'

but whatever no one sees that

and no one will ever see that

because i can't drive. so i have no voice =/

Track 10 - For Once In My Life

for once i can touch what my heart use to dream of

long before i knew

someone warm like you

would make my dreams come true

for once in my life i won't sorrow hurt me

not like it hurt me before

for once, i have something i know won't desert

i'm not alone anymore

for once, i can say, this is mine you can't take it

as long as i know i have love i can make it

for once in my life, i have someone who needs me

<3

nice song stevie looooove it

but apparently i dont feel like this anymore

Track 09 - You Might Win Some But You Just Lost One

i think we are done now


cuz i wooon [yes this whole time it was a competition]

not really but feelings, feelings, what are my feelings.

hmmm
i don't have any really
oh because when i was reading Naomi and Ely's No Kiss List, at the end Ely realized that no matter what kind of relationship, it would not be easy to keep up, maintain, stabilized, whatever. no one said it would ever be easy but people want it to be, they just wanna have fun with whoever they love and have happiness forever. but that's NOT how it is. everything great in this world had some work involved. you just don't dig up diamonds, they must be formed in the earth's crust for years, then mined, harvested, picked for the best selection, cut, placed perfectly into the jewel of your choice. but is it worth it? yes. they say a diamond last forever, so can a friend. i have to admit when Ely realized that staying close is hard, i did too. so i knew in order to be friends again it couldn't just be an overnight process it would take time to rebuild what we had. i know. he doesn't. so when he just QUIT like that it was disappointing. so i figured he just doesn't care, because people who care try and NEVER give up. I'm not about to go down like my bitch 'friends' and say oh it's done. because i know it's not. i have yet to find out why but he does not give a flying fuck

so my prize exactly?

knowledge.

Track 08 - I'll Cover You [Reprise]

Before anything we were and at some point will be friends. Remember that.

Track 07 - the fight of love

we've been fighting in this battlefield for a while now. no one has been brave enough to declare this war. but now, it's too late. we both lost because we were too proud to surrender. the brave souls that were lost to this event never stood a chance on either side. and now what do we have to show for this? n o t h i n g . just sad souls and empty hearts

hearts that never had the chance to love =]

[BONUS TRACK] DON'T BE SUCH A FUCKIN BITCH

gosh.

Track 06 - the boy is mine

amber this one is for you
don't be mad

me and her like[d] the same dood.
i said that either we both DON'T or one of us DO

she seemed more interested so in a way i 'let him go'
now i'm wondering whyyy did i like him
oh i can tell you why
1. he's too fucking nice
2. he gets me
3. he listens
4. he gives shitty advice that i don't listen to but appreciate the effort
5. he never said no
6. he always texted back

so now that i look back i notice two things- he never forgot about me and he was always there.
if perfect did exist, it would be him
[that was beautiful]
but i don't want to feel like i should try and get something i know i can't
so i quit
but now my other friend has the same qualities, but i worry that i like him too or even worst

he might like me too

there is NOTHING worst than the awkwardness of two people who like each other but don't date

well there's worst but you get what i'm puttin down

but that's it for now

let's see what happens

Track 05 - make up your mind

just so we are clear, i know i'm right


to follow up on the last entry, those unsaid comments are what caused my break up with my friend. by not saying what WE needed to say, we never got each other.
now that's all i want to do ask him my questions and get some answers i feel like i deserve them

but that ain't gonna happen.

because i have been beaten to it
there are conversations that occur. i want to know what these include. i need to know

in my mind i have the perfect breakdown prepared, but in my mind i already know it won't work , so in my heart, i'm devastated and confused. slash that. i'm really not. i'm mad.

yeah

mad.

mad because now i am seen as the heartless one all over again-mad because it's always something i bring up-mad because i hate it when it's the only thing people can talk about-mad because i want them to bring it up so i can prove over and over and over and over how i was the victim and not the culprit-mad because it kills me about how much time i waste on this

most of all i'm mad because i haven't done anything to end/solve/fix/forget about it

but i tried!
i'm =] to say that.

but until then i'm still at the point where i don't know what i want and what i think i want is what i really need

w.t.f.

Track 04 - flashback who's back

i was reading fmylife.com [a sad hobby of mine] when i came across this

Today, I over drafted my account, and I ended up paying an extra 35 bucks for a 1.99 item. It was an application on the iPhone that is suppose to help me keep track of my money. FML

this actually has nothing to do with me

it's just the memory that it brought back for me

it's so weird too because there's nothing linking my memory and this story together.

it was just instant

but here's what happened:

once upon a time, fall semester, my friend and i decided to go to the mall together. he had been defeating some financial issues and i told him not to spend so much money. with that being said, he spent a rather large amount on clothes for no special reason. then we went to another store to but essentials for life. we went to pay and he had over drafted his account by 3 dollars [or something like that] and so we had to handle it. in my mind i keep saying 'i told you so' and i think he knew i was thinking the same. therefore nothing went on said.

months later, he had over drafted SUPER times and had a total of more than 200 dollars worth of charges. again i thought 'how could he be so dumb' but never said it to him. just offered my time and support or anything else he might need.

i dunno

just something i remembered.

more to come next time

Track 03 - when i look in your eyes

i don't see mine

every time i see him [x3] i just get filled with all this anger
from litterally nowhere
it's sad honestly

but i don't know what to do anymore so yea
until then

i'll be mad and confused

even now i'm stuck
oh bother

Track 02 - K.I.S.S. [keep it simple stupid]

i think i think so outside the box, i forget about simplicity

i was talking to my friend about this dude i am currently interested in and i asked for some advice about telling him how i feel

he said that i should go ahead and tell him

then i went into this rant about what happens if he doesn't feel the same and i just went on and on and on about the possibilites of what could happen then he stopped me and said

'then he says no.'

i dont know why, but until then, it never made more sense.

that's it. just no.

no big scene, no tragic ending, no complicated plot.

just no.

so with that said im still probably not going to confess my feelings

BUT i do feel more motivated. like i now i think i wouldn't mind

before there was 0% chance i would do it

now, thanks to my greastest fella, there's a 74%

which is good right?