an answer?

So still Kristina. Still amazing.
Lately I have been having these dreams. And they all have shared a basic concept to them:
I AM ALWAYS WITH A GUY (DATING OR FRIENDS) AND IT’S ALWAYS UNDERSTOOD THAT WE ARE TOGETHER.
I don’t know what this means yet. I still have to go deeper into these dreams but for now that’s the basic form of them.I’m not angry or happy about these dreams. But I don’t want them anymore either. In these dream I am NEVER single and always happy. When I wake up, still single and still not so sure about my current mood.

This is something that I always think too:
IF I HAVE A BOYFRIEND, THEN EVERYTHING ELSE WILL BE OK.
I guess there has been so much bad going on, I think that if I change something I at least want it to be positive and maybe it will help ease the negativity.

Why I think a boyfriend is the answer?
1. He would like me
2. He would be able to deal with me
3. His role would define him to always be there for me
4. I wouldn’t be so confused about other dudes
5. I would have someone to turn too
6. There is a sense of happiness in a relationship (through my eyes)
7. it would give me more of an identity
8. be able to…settle urges
9. bragging rights to my friends
10. someone to live for (kinda)

first.
Hopefully people who are dating each other have some feelings for one another. But that’s just my opinion. I still can’t help to think that no one will like me though. I think my appearance is holding me back and I don’t like having low self-esteem. I want to be able to be confident enough that someone (who’s not crazy) likes me. but I still don’t think so.

second.
I am a crazy bitch. Hella moody. Hella emotional. How I have friends is beyond me. anyone who would want to deal with me MUST be a soilder.

third.
As a boyfriend, it’s a requirement that you dedicate yourself to that person. I have a lot of problems and I need someone to see them through with me.
fourth.
This is pretty recent but the dating scene is so complicated. I don’t like dealing with people who are hella vague and cautious and you don’t know what they want. I need certainty in my words, feelings, and thoughts. Not someone playing the game and playing it safe.

fifth.
Kinda the same as the third so that means it’s extra important. I really hate having a problem and knowing that there is no one ever there. But just to be able to have one person to turn to would change so much.

sixth.
Most people in relationships are happy that they are able to be with someone. Not to often is someone like “ugh I have someone out there who loves me….what a pain in the ass” I want to experience (that) happiness.

seventh.
Sometimes I don’t know who I am. Losing besties like socks is hard on my identity. I forget things that I like and stuff I want to do. I just want a status that gives some stability and the opportunity to find myself.

eighth.
Sex is fun. Or so I hear.

ninth.
My friends are single. I wanna be the one to break that trend first.

tenth.
I’m emo I’ll admit it. Sometimes I don’t know what I’m doing in life. Someone to thrive for would give me more motivation not to kill myself.

Those are just my main reasons for feeling the way that I do. I have no idea if this is true or not. Just so anxious to try. But I feel that if I try to hard, I’ll ruin it. I dunno time moves to slow for me. but I guess when it happens it will happen…
CIAO PER ORA.

what is love?

The Current Dating Scene

By Dee Vha

My name is Kristina West and I am a member of this society. That makes me and expert at everything I experience. Lately I have been bothered by the way my generation has modified the dating scene. I think it is refuckingtarded and nonproductive. But that’s just me. In this entry, I would like to cover a few point of why I am right

-the internet/texting/anything that isn’t face to face communication

-unclear statuses

-rushed expectations

I think these are the core points that are making dating and relationships so…bad. Everyday, people are falling in and out of what they think is love. Personally, I have never experienced true love. Some may think that since I never have, I don’t know what it is. Think again, if I know I haven’t gone through it, then I know what it is and more importantly what it ISN’T. We need to revert back to the old days. People then are still happily married. They did something right, and we can learn from that. That’s it for my intro, Queste sono le mie parole a voi.

Digitized Love.

“Communication works for those who work at it.” – John Powell

I absolutely can’t stand it when someone begins to repeat a situation that happened through text. Or Facebook. Whatever. The best way to talk to someone is by being constantly present in the conversation. Whether it be talking face to face, on the phone, or video chatting you are able to get an immediate response because there is no room for them to hide expressions or have their words be misinterpreted. For example, when people say “I love you”; they can say “I luv U, “I <3>

Then there is internet dating. eHarmony, Zoosk, Match.com. This shouldn’t be how you imagine finding your true love. Hell no. You actually want to pay to fall in love. Really? Personally, this makes people look desperate and afraid. You don’t want to do the work because you’ve had a few bad experiences. Now you figure that you have to try and be in love. No one is too busy to look for their soulmate. No one has tried EVERYTHING and came up with no results. Once again how well can you know someone through a computer screen? Even on these sites they state that a small number actually lead to marriage, and out of that small amount, who knows how many end with divorce. Point is, you’re going to have to meet real people to be in a real relationship.

Let’s talk about sext. Sexting as it is better known. This is often a bad side effect of internet relationships. All guys (some girls too!) ever wanna do is sext. This is worse than actually being harassed in person because they have a way to always contact you. It’s annoying ugh can’t even begin to explain how much I hate it. But I have to admit, it’s safer. No STDs or pregnancy risks involved. It’s all pictures and lies. However some people get a bit personal and want to make a fake relationship more serious. So make every move cautiously.

Basically people I’m just trying to say that communication is essential for every relationship. Any generic form of the sort isn’t going to advance your situation.

Draw a Line.

“We look at each other wondering what the other is thinking but we never say a thing.” – Dave Matthews Band

Nowadays there’s a difference between just talking, dating, and having someone be your boy/girl friend. With each of these titles there are a different set of rules that go along with them. This can be good and bad. But for this segment, I’m going to focus on the bad. Correct me if I’m wrong.

When you are just talking to someone, it’s usually just expressing your interest in someone. Pretty much saying you kinda like them and want to get to know them more. That’s perfectly fine. Some even take it further and limit themselves to certain amount of people they want to talk to. Even better. Now it gets tricky; the difference of dating and officially being a couple. When you are dating someone, it is clear that you and the other person like each other, now you spend more time together. HOWEVER there is no “rule” saying you cannot continue to talk or date to other people. I have seen many people get hurt because of this. Some use “I’m not ready to be in a relationship” and that’s perfectly fine. Just don’t waste other people’s time leading them on. I once heard a man on the bus say “fuck the dating scene. If I like you and you like me, you’re my girlfriend.” WHY CAN IT NOT BE THIS SIMPLE?!

Slow it Down.

“The only reason for time is so that everything doesn't happen at once.” – Albert Einstein

You don’t need to say I love you after you’ve been with someone for a month. There’s no need to put out on the first date. Marriage is not expected after the first year of dating. There’s always time to fall in love, and you don’t want to waste any of it mending a broken heart. I know too many married couple my age. It’s insane. The majority of them will be divorced in due time, I know.

It’s sad to see that people just want in on a relationship just because they don’t want to be alone. I know this for a fact. I don’t like being single. I fucking hate it. But I don’t want to be in a shitty ass relationship just so I can say I have a boyfriend. I’m also the president of the Impatient Peoples of America (IPA) and I hate waiting. But somewhere in my heart (if it’s still beating) I know I’m doing to right thing for me.

If you are lucky enough to find someone to be with, savor the moment. Live life. Don’t ask too much, if they really like you, they’ll give you what you need. I can’t express this enough but just take it slow.

Love is a bitch. Scientific fact. But we can’t help to find ourselves back in its quarrels over and over again. Just know what you want, and go for it. It’s kinda contradictory for me to say keep an open mind as well, but hey, I like my sentences when they clash. So just keep in mind that communication is vital and time is your friend…sometimes.

Ciao per ora.

Ready For Love - India.Arie