hate is a strong word

Ha ha ha
He said 'you're with someone who hates me'.
That someone he was referring to was and still is me. If he knew me like he says he does, he would know I honestly do not hate anyone. As much as I could and I think I should, I don't.
The thing is we are suppose to try and fix our 'friendship' but what the hell am I suppose to do when he thinks I hate him? Tell him I don't and see where it goes from there? Or should I let he think that and maybe he will be willing to speak then. I do not know
The only reason I want this to be over is because I have other things to attend to in my life. That and he keeps bringing people into this dilemma. One friend told me 'I don't want to be dragged into your fight' I replied 'well I didn't drag you into it did I? I think you need to be talking to someone else'
But at the same time I don't want to bring people into it, it feels good to talk about it instead of having to keep a whole bunch of feelings inside and pretend that they aren't there.


the reason why I say friendship in quotations is because I don't think the relationship we posses is one that should friends share... sometimes it will be total bliss and then one of us will say or do something so small it will explode between us. and I kind of feel like we are always waiting for that moment, like we both know that we get on each others nerves but we are waiting for it to happen...I don't know it's kind of confusing really

I really do want to be his friend...I think
Deep deep deep deep deep down I think there might be a part of me that doesn't want to lose him, a part that wants to keep him. But when I look for reasons to, I draw a serious blank. Like super serious.

I need to know what it is that is so special it's worth keeping. Then I will know. My heart will know. My mind, body and soul will know.

But until then, we are getting and going nowhere. And I'm afraid we might be stuck like that forever