tell it like it is

i guess i never actually said why i was mad
truthfully, i do not remember
i guess i was so wrapped up in my emotions i forgot
but let's try and remember:

we went swing dancing and had fun
then school started
i tried to talk to him [phone, text, IM] but couldn't get in contact with him
i thought he was just super busy with work and couldn't talk, which was fine
then, i found out he wasn't busy with work or school, but someone else
which to me is still fine, i just wanna know
so i think i was jealous in a way
but in the same way i kept thinking "but we're friends..."

i know why i was so flipping paranoid
there's my ex-best friend [for life] that i lost..because HE was and still is a bitch
to lose someone you been through pretty much everything with over something so retarded is dumb as hell.
this is why i don't want to lose friends for stupid reasons
cause to get hella 'personal-like' with someone and then just see them walk out on you is kinda harsh
and it hurts
a lot

so i reacted in the only way i knew how: with anger
i don't know how to 'channel' my feelings
when I'm sad i yell at people for no reason so when I'm annoyed, irritated, or feel like i have been betrayed, i just shut everything and everyone out and hate everything

i wanna say we both fuzzed up but the more i think about it, the more it makes me sound like a bitch
so i dunno
guess that makes me the retarded bitch huh?