I haven't wrote anything in a while because...well I don't know, nothing has really stood out in a while. I mean I have had a LOT of shit days/weeks but I dunno they seem routine at this point. like almost as if I have a quota I must fill...like I can't move on, almost like I don't want to?
that's what I wanted to talk about today, like how can I get to happiness because lately that destination is getting more unclear each day.
I know that the worst days I have are the ones when I lose ALL hope and I basically don't even feel emotions at that point; I become the living dead. It fucking sucks too because I have to pretend to be okay to avoid people constantly pestering me about problems that I don't want them to know because they just wouldn't know how to help.
The only idea that I have that I think would help me feel better would be to have a boyfriend
hold up girl didn't you write about not relying on someone for emotional support and stability?
yeeeeeeesss i know I have but damn gina EVERYONE around me is dating, in serious relationships, married....it's fucking sickening. I can't stand it, it is seriously driving me fucking INSANE and now I think I am ready and just want it sooo bad. It sound pathetic I know but I can't even explain why this is the only option I have come up with.
I think it might because most of problems comes down to me not valuing myself and thinking that no one else will either, so if there was just one person who I could trust in and believe that I actually had self-worth, then so many other possibilities would be within my grasp.
yea, happiness. it's all I can dream about lately.
No comments:
Post a Comment