thick and shit

How do I see myself?

I like my smile my teeth could be whiter but it’s better than most

I like my eyes and I even like the color

I like my boobs but they look better then they are up (whatever that’s suppose to mean)

I like my nose too, it think it’s adorkable

I like the way I look, when I actually put work into my look. But even when I roll out of bed I still think I look pretty good. I mean I know I’m not the prettiest, lots of girls are prettier than me, but I’m like to mention I’m prettier than lots of girls too. But there’s the whole issue of me being fat

I don’t even like to say really. Fat. It kinda has a bad connotation to it too. And I don’t really feel that way. I’m not thinking all day “omg I’m so fat”. Black women, if you haven’t noticed this before you will from now on, don’t think like that. It’s pretty much a white girl thing cuz Mexicans aren’t down with that shit either. They don’t think that being larger is a bad thing and that’s where all this “thick” shit came from. “I’m not big I’m think” wtf is that? I HATE that cuz I just don’t get it. I guess it takes pride in being bigger so technically I should be for it. But when I hear people say that, something their ass is big. So now we have all these chicks covering up their insecurities with a term so that they themselves can develop more self-confidence. MAYBE IF THE WORLD WASN’T TELLING THEM THAT BEING FAT IS BAD THEY WOULDN’T HAVE TO DO THAT. I was in my psych class and we learned that there are “fat stereotype” basically them being lazy, poor social skills, dumb, shit like that. And I’m none of those things so wtf. It’s also the dudes putting all these females on such high expectations. It really does grind my gears too when guys can’t get fat. But not only are more men fucking obese, they can lose it faster and easier so what the fuck is your excuse biatch??

But then there are those dudes that are turned on by thick chicks. THAT pisses me off. If you are turned on by unique aspects [of a body], that’s a fucking fetish. I am not a fetish. I don’t like it when people are like “damn mami you so thick just how I like my women” okay I don’t see how that’s attractive. I just don’t. maybe I’m just not comfortable with my body enough to understand how that works but damn it’s just not right by me at all. Maybe it has to deal with what happened to me…I can see that happening too. But in the end I hate it. Thick shit and all, not my style

maybe I should be happy that not ALL guys want be with a skinny ass chick but I never want to be judge on the way I look. But that’s hard for me to say because I’m a big believer that the way you look is very important. So imma say it like this: I do not believe that a person’s personality should be determined by the way they look, HOWEVER people need to at least look pretty fucking decent all the time. I think what I want to say is I don’t want a guy to not like me because I’m fat and I don’t want a guy to like me because I am “thick”. Like me for me I guess, makes sense to me.

But sometimes I wonder id I ever want to lose weight. I have a rule about self-image: you gotta love who you are, and if you don’t change it. But it has to be for YOU not for someone else. If you keep your self busy with maintaining other people’s standards you are wasting your time. I have not felt the COMPLETE desire to lose weight, sometime it think about it, but most of the time I’m cool. Yea it would be nice, but more importantly I don’t wanna do all that fucking work. I know I want it, but I ain’t willing to do it yet. Maybe in the future I will, but I also have to keep in mind that it will be all for me, cuz I tend to alter myself just to satisfy other people, which hasn’t worked out for me at all.

So yea um other than that, I’m still pretty as fuck, ciao per hora!